Written by Debbie Kinghorn from Confidence Builder Club
Debbie is a Therapeutic Coach integrating NLP, hypnotherapy, developmental psychology, coaching and mindfulness. She works with both adults and children to help understand emotions, create helpful habits and build confidence.
At this time of year, in my clinic, I’m frequently told one of the following: “I’ll make those changes in the new year” or “in the new year, I can be a new me” or “I’ll be a better at all of this next year”, to which I generally have two questions…
Why change?
Often the concept of new year’s resolutions can put pressure on us to make changes in our lives when, realistically, we don’t need to. Those sentences above have quite an impact on our self-worth. If we tell ourselves we need to create a ‘new me’ or a ‘better me’, it implies there’s a problem with the current version, when the current version is doing a pretty great job already! Often, we feel obliged to change because that’s what we’re supposed to do. We’ve grown up being asked about our resolutions for years – resolution setting has become a habit or ritual.
Why the New Year?
For most people, New Year’s Day is still part of an extended holiday, time off from the usual routine. You’re probably still enjoying Christmas treats, socialising with friends or chilling on the sofa with the kids. It’s therefore one of the most difficult times to make changes, of any size. It draws on all your willpower, as there are so many things around to sabotage the change. We also feel pressure from friends and acquaintances who are talking or posting about their personal changes. This can often highlight our slips or challenges in reaching our goals. It’s a lot of pressure to put on ourselves at a time where we have an opportunity to be positive and excited about the year ahead.
So, what can we do?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about personal growth. It’s in our DNA and to deny it can often create different mental health challenges. For me though, personal growth starts from a place of gratitude: being truly grateful for the people we are and the things we do now, and then adjusting the things we want to change positively, consistently and in a time frame that suits us. This way you’ll succeed at anything you choose to change. If you want to improve your fitness and enjoy the outdoors, when the weather is better, start walking. If you want to set aside a weekly date night, wait until the craziness of the holidays is over then sit down together and work out how you can accommodate this. If you want to make any changes in your life, the best and most healthy way to do so is to plan the changes, embrace and acknowledge their benefits and then put everything you can in place to help you succeed. You can do this any time you choose; whether it’s January or a random Tuesday in April. So, give your ‘current’ self time and permission to enjoy the new year and then, when you’re ready and the time is right for you, choose to make those changes.
If you need a little help in this area, I provide one-to-one and group therapeutic coaching sessions to help people remove unwanted and unhelpful blocks and make positive changes in their lives.
07747 090871
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